I clutched Rhy against me as I ducked beneath a tree to escape the pounding rain. I leaned back against the bark and glanced at him. He hung limply in my arms. A stab of pain tore through my heart as I realized something. I could only hold my little brother like this when he was unconscious. Rhy would never let me get this close to him when he was awake.

I sighed as I remembered the scene of our reunion half an hour ago. He’d heard me coming and spun around to face me. I’d been alarmed to see how thin he’d become but hadn’t had time to dwell on Rhy’s appearance. He’d gathered shards of ice into his hands at the sight of me.

“What do you want?” he’d demanded. I’d been too much of a coward to explain myself and teleported behind him, wrapping an apologetic arm around his shoulders before stunning him with a sleep spell.

“Forgive me, little brother,” I whispered. I slid into a sitting position at the base of the tree, adjusting my grip on his too-thin frame so he wouldn’t fall. I could feel his ribs through his shirt and it worried me. He looked more like a skeleton than my brother.

His condition was my fault. I was as monstrous as the creatures that had imprisoned him yesterday. No… I’m worse. As an older brother, it was my duty to care for him but I’d done the opposite.

I hid my face in Rhy’s damp hair, too ashamed to look at him. I’d hurt him so badly. I’d taken everything from him. His sight, his friends, our family, our home, our old life… And what I hadn’t stolen, others had.

“I’m sorry.”

Older brothers were supposed to care for their siblings. In the beginning, I had been a proper brother. When Rhy was little I’d been intrigued by this new sibling with silver hair and the same green eyes as me. When Rhy turned three, the hot fires of jealousy began to burn. Before his birth I had been the youngest. Then I’d become the middle child, and I’d grown to hate Rhy for taking so much of our parents’ love and attention.

“Why?” I whispered. What had caused me to lose myself at eight? After my ninth birthday I’d begun to fall deeper and deeper into darkness. I began experimenting with black magic and that had marked the beginning of the end.

Angrily, I pushed the memories away. There was no point in dwelling on my foolishness. I was here for Rhy, nothing more. Months had passed since our last encounter and I didn’t want to waste a second of the limited time we had together.

“I’m sorry,” I sighed again. I owed Rhy a full explanation and apology, but dreaded such a conversation. He wouldn’t want to listen and he would never believe my tale. He’d seen too much of my cruelty, borne too much pain because of me. I’d done too much to be forgiven and even if he could find it in his heart to forgive me, I didn’t deserve it. Part of me wanted him to continue hating me as I deserved, but the rest wanted his love. I was myself again, and I feared that it was too late. Perhaps Rhy would have found it easier to forgive me when he was younger… but not now. He’d seen too much of the world’s cruelty.

I raised my head, gently brushing Rhy’s bangs out of his face. I could not remember the last time I’d held him like this. When had I held him with love instead of malice? Had I ever? I could not recall such a time.

I tried not to think after that. My thoughts would only deepen my misery. Instead, I focused on the sounds of the rain and his gentle breathing. I knew I had to move soon and get him to shelter, but didn’t want to leave yet. This was the only time I had with him.

Finally, I could delay the inevitable no longer. I pulled up Rhy’s hood to shield his face from the rain and did the same to mine before rising.

Cold droplets pelted against my skin as I left my makeshift shelter. I held Rhy close to me to protect him from the rain. I didn’t want to risk him getting sick, since he wouldn’t be able to take care of himself. I would worry about that once Rhy was safe and warm inside an inn.

I glanced at my brother again. He still had yet to move and I hoped my spell would keep him asleep until I’d left him. I didn’t want to stun him again… once had already been too much.

“I’m sorry, Rhyahel. From now on, I’ll be the brother I always should have been,” I vowed. Only the rain was testament to my promise and with one last glance at my brother, I started in the direction of a nearby town. Even though I was unwelcome in Rhy’s life, I would do what I could to help him. And once I’d played my part, I would disappear from his life.